Now that it's not, it is.

I just came to this epiphany last night! After all this time with God, I am only just know understanding who He is. His essence, character. I used to say to myself, "I don't feel any different." after giving my life to God. I would certainly never admit that out loud, what would people think!? I thought that everything would change for me as soon as my surrender prayer was sent up. Sure, a lot of big things changed like smoking or drinking. But what about my spirit? I am still very broken. God showed me a while ago that there aren't different parts of you that you should treat differently. Such as "my work life", "my marriage", or "my parenting life". He was trying to get it through to me that all of these lives stem from one spirit. I needed to be the same me in all of my "lives". But more than that!!! I need to allow my spirit to be healed and then be led by His Spirit. All that I do, say, feel, all that I am! It has been years since I started to search for the feelings, and now that I understand God a little more, he is filling me with so much joy, happiness, and peace that surpasses all understanding. Now that it isn't about searching for the "feelings" He is giving me all that I ever wanted to feel. Amazing to me!! Just amazing!