Four Future Men

We have in our home four future men. Our sons. Each of them well on their way to becoming men. So, that means that Matt and I are responsible for making sure that they are guided and taught how. Whoa! That is a huge revelation. Sometimes, I think in my eyes, they are still babies. When they were first born they needed us for EVERYTHING! Food, clean diapers, cuddles, hugs and so much more. Now that they are getting big physically and are growing in independence, our tendency is to think that they don't need as much. NOT TRUE! We are finding that they need us now more than ever. They still need me to make sure they are eating enough fruits and veggies, they still need Matt to read them stories or listen to them read stories, they still need to be hugged on every chance we get, and they need to see that their parents still love eachother! Most of all, I think they just need us around. For the daily life that they are learning to live. I want to make sure that we don't lose sight of the fact that they will always need mom and dad just as they need to breathe. If the next ten years go by even half as fast as the last ten, I don't want to waste a minute of it!

David.

So, for the last three months David has been living with us. (seen to the left at the end of a very long Disney day). We have really enjoyed having him here! Most of his time here was spent "working" at the smoothie joint in Carp. (getting all the sweet hook ups) or hanging out with the boys enjoying California adventures. Just have to say, David is one of the most kind- hearted, well mannered, responsible, thoughtful people we know. When you are a single guy, and don't have too much on your plate, moving in with your brother and his wife and 4 sons sounds mad!!!!! But good ol' Dave took it all in stride. He dove in and became a real part of our family. Not sure what we are going to do without him. I don't know what he will do without Cameron stuck to his leg! You see, David is going to Africa for two years! Check out his blog on the "David" link. You'll see what's up. We love you David!! And we will see you later!

All you need is love?

I have been stewing on this commonly used phrase. "All you need is love." (-Lennon/McCartney) What does that even mean? Maybe it means if I love people everything will be fine. Or that if people love me everything will be fine. What happens when there is reciprocal love and something still goes awry? Do we blame the "love" or maybe we weren't doing it right or others are to blame. That sure is a lot of pressure for a broken human being.

Here's what came out of my thinking cap...God is love. There is no amount of trying to love people, or the other way around, that is going to fill the hole in my soul. People are always going to let me down, and for cryin' out loud I am surely going to let others down. There is only one way to deal with this world. The hope that Jesus Christ is Lord, came to this earth to blaze a gnarly trail and provide a way for me to come to God the Father...that is Love. Notice that he didn't and never will let us down. So, really, all you need is God.

holy doormat!

I seem to find myself in the middle of odd situations with people. No, not just recently, all of the time! The kind of situations that you have to take 10 minutes to give back ground on before you can even begin to ask someone to pray for you. It is like I am a magnet for utterly broken people. I mean, people that just aren't playing with a full deck. People that are down on there luck. People that can't catch a break...people just...like me. What does God want me to do with all of this? I mean it is hard! Hard always having the stress of finances, or relationship, or non-relationship. There are all of these games that we seemingly have to play because, "what would it look like if..." There are all of these questions that we face. And then there is the, play it all out in your mind as if you can tell what the other person (or people) are going to say, or do, or feel. It just can't go on this way. Surely, this wasn't the plan of creation. Can't we acheive some sort of unity? Can't we just get beyond ourselves and live...for the greater good? Why do we always have to win or be right or teach someone a lesson? Can't we all serve? Be the 'doormat'? What damage does it cause? What good does it acheive?! Stop trying not to be taken advantage of...and let God take care of that. He is the One and only who will bring justice. We aren't going to FIX anyone.

I think the Mom's gone crazy!

Here's the deal. Last night after watching "Spongebob: The Movie" with the boys, I thought, since I was so tired that I should just go to bed. Matt had already made the coffee and put most of the dishes in the dishwasher so why not?! I was exhausted and it was already 9pm. So, going against my better judgment I turned off all of the lights, made sure the front door was locked, and headed to bed. Not a normal(??) evening for me. I didn't "close up shop" like I usually do.

Let me just give you a little back ground so you understand the craziness. It used to be that I could just do that, go to bed with out making sure everything was in it's place. But since this summer, I have become some other woman! I am completely obsessed with the order of my home! I can't just leave stuff out. Not just that though, everything must be in it's place. Including the kids.

So, last night when I went to bed. I fell asleep fine and began having horrible dreams! I won't go into it but...they were bad! And I woke up feeling as if my house was in shambles!(hence, the landfill illustration) It felt so out of control. Some thoughts racing through my mind were "How are the kids going to be able to eat breakfast?" "How am I going to be able to get my 'morning' done?" Blah, blah, blah...you get the idea. I went straight to the kitchen and got "things" started. Well, the morning went fine, no one starved or even noticed that things weren't in normal order. Just me. Am I going out of my mind? Don't answer that. I feel like I am in danger of becoming a modern day "Martha" (no not Stewart.) Luke10:38-41. Look it up you will see what I mean.

My Man

This is Matt. I have been married to this man for a little over 10 years. Lived everyday with him. One would think that after that long I would know everything about him. The truth is, we are just now getting beyond our inhibitions and getting to know eachother, for real. Why do we do that? Why do we, as human beings, hold on to this idea that we can't let anyone know the "real me"? Is it because we think that others will reject us? Is it because we don't even like the secret us? This is something worth thinking about...if we don't like a certain part of ourselves, maybe we should cut it out. If you don't want people to know something about you, maybe you should eliminate that "something". On the other hand, maybe we should just tell it like it is and expose ourselves for what and who we really are. Deal, and move on.
It isn't easy! It is an everyday choice. Let me tell you though, anytime that Matt and I have let down a "wall" or shown our vulnerable side, we fall deeper in love with eachother. Becoming more...one. Spurring eachother on to be more of our true selves, more real, more like Christ. More like...God intended.

New do,more me.

Before...
After!
So, I get this new haircut (thanks Dave). I am not one to be shy with my hair. I like to go extreme. Anyone who knows me probably never saw my hair in it's natural state. (with the exclusion of my husband and parents) There is usually strange color, highlights, tons of product and some unusual style. I don't like main stream, "Jennifer Aniston", everyone has it style! When we moved to SoCal this summer, budget was a little tight. No money, haircut somehow doesn't seem priority. So, when I got this salon package for Christmas I could hardly contain myself! A little obsessed, I started dreaming of what was next in the hair portfolio for me. I was thinking about it everyday all day, as I put my "old hair" into a ponytail! Yes a ponytail! I had somewhere along the line lost my hair identity. Something happens to me when I get a new style. I feel more like myself. Maybe it is that I look more how I feel. I love to go against the "Conservative Christian" grain! That is why I pierced my nose. I felt free! The real me can come out. I am not the lacey collar, flowery dress wearing kinda Christian. I like to cause people to think,"Well, maybe God wants me too." "Maybe, I just come as I am to the Lord." "Maybe, Jesus isn't just for the suit wearing, got it all together people." No one really has it all together! Not even the suit wearers. We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God. No matter what we look like.

It is a funny thing...time.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". I have heard this saying from my dad pretty much my whole life. It came from John Lennon in a song called "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)". I never stopped to think about what it meant. But now that I am older and have my own children. I get it! In this world, time happens. There is no way around it. If you unplug your clock, time still goes on. The sun rises and sets, with or without you. What are you doing with your time? Are you taking advantage of your timeline? What is your legacy? God is outside of time. He just is. And someday, some of us will be with Him enjoying the absense of deadlines and alarm clocks. But for now...

Desserts 'R Me

Ahhh... the Chocoalte Hazelnut Torte.

Just taking "stuff" in the kitchen, putting it together with measurements and techniques. This is what you can achieve.

For a minute think about creation. God created the world and everything in it. Incuding you and me. So, complex and perfect. What??? How awesome is HE!

"Glimpses in the sand"

"There is but one moment in time that
this footprint will remain the same.
Ever changing, ever teaching me." -SL















"Every grain counted.
Where does it come from,
Where is it going to?" -SL















"On the edge of our land the waves are commanded."
-SL